Sex plays a huge part in any relationship. You’re either having it or you’re not, but in either case, the absence of or the presence of sex is a weighty one.

With that said, I know nothing about waiting, so I’m only going to speak to actually having sex.

It’s assumed that all of our end goals are to get married, maybe it’s to the man you’re with now or with someone you’ll be with soon. Regardless of who, one thing is for certain, you’re probably not going to get married if the sex is bad. Having an off day here and there is fine, faking a headache to get out of it every once in a while is OK, too, but when you look at your sex life as a whole, is it good?

Was it good, but is now downshifting? Was it ever good? This can be a touchy subject and a hard pill to swallow, but if it isn’t good, it’s time to look at what you’re doing and see if you can change your moves and approaches to try to fix it.

So what to do?

First and foremost, you have to know yourself. Do you know what you like? Have you taken the time to really explore who you are and see how your body reacts to certain touches? If the answer is no, then shame on you! Get down there, in there and take part in the self loving party.

There’s no way you can show someone else what you like or even have you best sex possible if you don’t know what you like. It’s just like going to a restaurant and having no idea what kind of food you like. You’re going to blindly order and hope for the best — sometimes you get NY strip and sometimes you get liver.

Secondly, once you know what you like you can’t be afraid to ask for what you like. Do you want your hair pulled? Do you like it when they talk dirty or put their hand just so? Tell ‘em! They can’t read your mind. Encourage them to open up as you do so and together you can build a deeper connection and give each other what you want.

Now that you’re talking, don’t be afraid to initiate sex on your own. Jump your boo when he first comes home, surprise him in the car or shower. He’ll appreciate the effort you’re putting in and this will give you a chance to explore different areas of your house and life besides the bed.

With your creative juices flowing, you can also try dressing up. This can be done in two different ways. You can go the traditional way such as wearing lingerie or you can actually dress up in a role playing sort of way. A note on lingerie — I have found some partners had very distinct preferences when it came to lingerie, so see if you can stealthily figure that out.

As for a role playing idea, pick a movie with a lead character they really like. Play out a fantasy they have told you about or stick to the tried and true scenarios like student/teacher or doctor/patient.

Maybe it’s not the outfits or shower sex you need? Have you tried incorporating toys into your bedroom fun? I’m talking vibrating cock rings, handcuffs, a vibrator or even sex swing? Your local sex store like Adam & Eve will carry all of these and more.

So stop by after work some day and pick up a few gadgets that you can surprise your partner with. Toys are a great way to explore each other in a different way and to experience much more intense orgasms.

Don’t be afraid to let go either. Sometimes, we can’t fully let go due to embarrassments, nerves or just some strange external factor, but letting go is sexy. Guys want to know you’re having a good time and it’s because of them. Let yourself make an O face, get as loud as you want, even dig your nails in if you need to. Letting go will also make him feel comfortable enough with letting go and in turn you guys will enjoy each other that much more.

This is just a starter list. If this isn’t enough to change up your sex, consider including a little BDSM in your play, turn on some porn, incorporate food and massage oils (not at the same time) or even take a tantric sex class.

While a wedding proposal is contingent upon many things, sex is definitely a major factor, so make sure it’s good for his sake and yours!

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